Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
September 2020


Okay, people. I’m sorry to have to do this to you, but, frankly, I think it just has to be done and gotten over with. Rather like pulling off the bandage all at once, so as not to prolong the pain any more than is necessary. As I said in my review of DragonHeart 4, err, I mean, DragonHeart: Battle for the Heartfire, last month, I’d previously reviewed two of the entries in this five-movie series: the 1996 DragonHeart and 2015's DragonHeart 3: The Sorcerer’s Curse. Battle for the Heartfire was made in 2017. So this month and next month, we are going to review for you the other two entries in the series. Next month it will be 2020's DragonHeart 5, I mean, DragonHeart: Vengeance. And this month, we go back in time to the year 2000, as Da’ud Bob reviews for you DragonHeart 2, umm, I mean DragonHeart: A New Beginning.

Starring Christopher Masterson as stableboy and knight wannabe Geoff, Harry Van Gorkum as Lord Osric of Crossley, Matt Hickey as the novice monk Mansel, Ken Shorter as the King, Lubomir Misak as Lubo, Henry O as Master Kwan, Rona Figueroa as Lian, John Woodnutt as Friar Peter, Karin Haydu as the King’s attendant, and with Robby Benson as the voice of Drake the young dragon, the basic plot is summarized as: “When Geoff, an orphaned stable boy, discovers Drake, the offspring of Draco the dragon from the first movie, and the world's last living dragon, he realizes that his dream of becoming a knight in shining armor can now come true. Together, they soon face challenges that turn them into heroes. But caught up in the excitement of their new lives, Geoff and Drake fail to see the hidden dangers that surround them.” There’s a little more to it than just that, of course, with some unnecessary bullying by an unnecessary bully and his companions, mysterious potions from the Far East with almost magical powers, and your basic, “Aww, isn’t she a cute little girl pretending to stand up to a bunch of us serious men fighters” just before she kicks some serious kung fu butt. But, yeah, it’s mostly about Geoff and Robbie and a prophecy about a two-tailed comet that is scheduled to return and could usher in a new age of some kind. Another way it might be summarized is, “Stable boy, wanting to learn to be a knight, searches for a sword, and finds a young dragon.”

Good points: Well, it’s only 83 minutes long. The dragon fountain in the castle’s courtyard. The kite shields carried by the men at arms.

Bad points: The heraldry painted on those good kite shields. (Red on black, or “color on color”.) Unhemmed sleeves. Osric’s clothes. The women’s dresses. The helmets. The “ring mail” armor. Frankly, most of the costuming, some of which looks like it came right out of 1950s “medieval” movies. The obviously fake castle exterior. The CGI dragon. Frankly, he reminded me most of Minilla, better known as “baby Godzilla” in the Toho Godzilla movies. (That is not a compliment.) Master Kwan’s complex two-wheeled cart of many weapons.

Zero breasts. One tablespoon of blood. Three real dead bodies; 19 faked dead bodies. Sword fu. Kung fu. Crossbow fu. Cowbell fu. Arrow fu. Spear fu. Jiu jitsu. Expectoration fu. Firefart fu. Dagger fu. Fan fu. Parasol fu. Bell fu. Staff fu. Fighters roll. Knights roll. Geoff rolls. Gratuitous Chinese. (Or were they Tibetans?) Gratuitous bully. Gratuitous two-tailed comet prophesy. Gratuitous tai chi. Gratuitous skeletons. Gratuitous bagpipe. (Well, you gotta fill those 83 minutes with something!) Gratuitous expectoration. A 74 on the Vomit Meter. One star. Da’ud Bob says, “Well, it’s a sequel, and those generally don’t come up to the bar set by the first one. This movie is no exception. Check it out!”


 

Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!


Mulan
September 4, 2020 (this is at least the third time the release date has been pushed back. Cut it out, Covid!) Well, it's well after September 4, and it looks like Disney is only making it available (for $29.99!) if you have a Disney+ subscription (at $6.99 per month). So, not showing in theaters, then.
To save her father from death in the army, a young maiden secretly goes in his place and becomes one of China's greatest heroines in the process. A live-action feature film based on Disney's animated Mulan, starring Yifei Liu, Donnie Yen, Jet Li, Li Gong, Jason Scott Lee.

The Legend of Tomiris
On DVD and Blu-Ray September 29, 2020
This is the story of the life of the great queen of of the steppe - legendary Tomiris. (Tomyris, as it is usually spelled in English, is one of the Nine Female Worthies.) She is destined to become a skillful warrior, survive the loss of close people and unite the Scythian/Saka tribes under her authority. Filmed in Kazakhstan.  Almira Tursyn, Adil Akhmetov, Erkebulan Dairov.
The Last Duel
December 25, 2020 (limited release) and January 8, 2021 (wide release)
Set in 14th century France, King Charles VI declares that Knight Jean de Carrouges settle his dispute with his squire by challenging him to a duel. Directed by Ridley Scott, from a screenplay written by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Starring Matt Damon, Adam Driver, and Jodie Comer.





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