Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
As you know – because I’ve told you so before – Anna Sue periodically runs
across a movie on her Netflix account that she thinks I ought to review. And
when she does, she saves it to a special list that she keeps on Netflix just
for me. Sometimes, it’s a movie or mini-series that looks really interesting
and one that as it turns out is one that I’d really like to see. And ...
then there’s the vast majority. This particular one seemed to be so
bad that Anna Sue “decided” that she’d rather get a kidney infection and
spend a few days in the hospital being stuck with needles for blood tests
and antibiotics and all that, rather than to watch it with me. And,
truthfully, I can sympathize with her reluctance. I mean, even the title,
standing alone, with no other information about the plot, put me off, if
only because it was yet another entry in the competition to see how many
different movies could be made over the years of the same basic story. But
the story is period, and the movie is set in that period, and remembering
our motto, “We watch ‘em so you don’t have to,” I felt an obligation to you,
my faithful readers, to give you the scoop on this particular flick, no
matter the consequences to myself or my sanity. And so it is that this
month, Da’ud Bob reviews for you 2018's entry into the Wonderful World of
Robin HoodTM, Robin Hood: The Rebellion.
Starring Ben Freeman as Robin Hood, Marie Everett as Maid Marian, James
Oliver Wheatley as the Sheriff of Nottingham, James Groom as the Sheriff’s
cousin Guy of Gisborne, James G. Nunn as Will Scarlett, Jamie Kenna as
Little John, Gareth David-Lloyd as Green, and Brian Blessed as Friar Tuck,
the overarching story, fitting actually pretty well into the Robin Hood myth
and mythos, was summed up as: “When the Sheriff of Nottingham takes his
beloved [Lady Marian] captive, Robin Hood embarks on a daring rescue mission
at the tyrant’s castle.” There’s a little more to it than just that, of
course, but that’s the core of the story.
Good points: Real chain mail. (On the other hand, the rings in the mail were
too large.) The great helm. (But nobody wore it.) Decent heraldic banners.
(But the heraldry they displayed were not particularly of the period .)
Bad points: The fight choreography; there were no combination blows, and
Every. Single. Blow. was telegraphed. Except for the scenes within it, the
castle appears to be unmanned. Women “grooms” outside the castle to hold the
horses? Marian’s short haircut. (Think Prince Valiant and his
unique hairstyle.) Having to turn their weapons in when entering the castle.
Calling Guy of Gisborne “sire”. Using stones pulled from the dungeon wall to
break iron manacles and chains.
Zero breasts. Two gallons of blood. 24 dead bodies. Sword fu. Arrow fu.
Dagger fu. Tree branch fu. Fire fu. Quarterstaff fu. Kitchen crockery fu.
The Sheriff’s men roll. Robin Hood rolls. Gratuitous dirt. Gratuitous
tattoos. Gratuitous spitting. Gratuitous maniacal laughter. Gratuitous huge
cross (worn from his neck by Friar Tuck). Academy Award nomination to
James Oliver Wheatley as the Sheriff of Nottingham for “I think you
underestimate my cruelty,” and for “Would you stake your life on it? Have
you seen the corpse yet?” (This last is always a good question to have the
answer to. I first heard it in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory,
where it was phrased as: “Did you see the body?”, and it has stuck with me
ever since. He – usually our erstwhile hero – probably isn’t really dead if
you didn’t actually see the body. And sometimes even if you did. As in this
movie, Robin Hood: The Rebellion, for example. An 87 on the Vomit
Meter. 1½ Stars. Da’ud Bob says, “The opening credits note that this is ‘A
Picture Perfect Production’. Sorry, but there was very little “perfect”
about this picture’s production. Check it out!”
movies and miniseries to watch for!
Disney is only making it available (for $29.99!)
if you have a Disney+ subscription (at an additional $6.99 per
month). So, not showing in theaters, then.
|To save her father from death in the army, a young maiden
secretly goes in his place and becomes one of China's greatest
heroines in the process. A live-action feature film based on
Disney's animated Mulan, starring Yifei Liu, Donnie Yen,
Jet Li, Li Gong, Jason Scott Lee.
|The Legend of Tomiris
Released on DVD and Blu-Ray September 29, 2020
|This is the story of the life of the great queen of of the
steppe - legendary Tomiris. (Tomyris, as it is usually spelled in
English, is one of the Nine Female Worthies.) She is destined to
become a skillful warrior, survive the loss of close people and
unite the Scythian/Saka tribes under her authority. Filmed in
Kazakhstan. Almira Tursyn, Adil Akhmetov, Erkebulan Dairov.
Watch for the Da'ud Bob review next month!
December 25, 2020 (limited release) and
January 8, 2021 (wide release), or October 15, 2021 (Covid has
played havoc with release dates!)
in 14th century France, King Charles VI declares that Knight
Jean de Carrouges settle his dispute with his squire by
challenging him to a duel. Directed by Ridley Scott, from a
screenplay written by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Starring
Matt Damon, Adam Driver, and Jodie Comer.
|Dungeons and Dragons
November 19, 2021, or May 27, 2022 (Covid
continues to play havoc with release dates!)
|Plot undisclosed at this time, but like earlier iterations, it
is based on the tabletop role-playing game. Directed Rob
Letterman, starring Ansel Elgort.
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