Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
November 2020

As you know – because I’ve told you so before – Anna Sue periodically runs across a movie on her Netflix account that she thinks I ought to review. And when she does, she saves it to a special list that she keeps on Netflix just for me. Sometimes, it’s a movie or mini-series that looks really interesting and one that as it turns out is one that I’d really like to see. And ... then there’s the vast majority. This particular one seemed to be so bad that Anna Sue “decided” that she’d rather get a kidney infection and spend a few days in the hospital being stuck with needles for blood tests and antibiotics and all that, rather than to watch it with me. And, truthfully, I can sympathize with her reluctance. I mean, even the title, standing alone, with no other information about the plot, put me off, if only because it was yet another entry in the competition to see how many different movies could be made over the years of the same basic story. But the story is period, and the movie is set in that period, and remembering our motto, “We watch ‘em so you don’t have to,” I felt an obligation to you, my faithful readers, to give you the scoop on this particular flick, no matter the consequences to myself or my sanity. And so it is that this month, Da’ud Bob reviews for you 2018's entry into the Wonderful World of Robin HoodTM, Robin Hood: The Rebellion.

Starring Ben Freeman as Robin Hood, Marie Everett as Maid Marian, James Oliver Wheatley as the Sheriff of Nottingham, James Groom as the Sheriff’s cousin Guy of Gisborne, James G. Nunn as Will Scarlett, Jamie Kenna as Little John, Gareth David-Lloyd as Green, and Brian Blessed as Friar Tuck, the overarching story, fitting actually pretty well into the Robin Hood myth and mythos, was summed up as: “When the Sheriff of Nottingham takes his beloved [Lady Marian] captive, Robin Hood embarks on a daring rescue mission at the tyrant’s castle.” There’s a little more to it than just that, of course, but that’s the core of the story.

Good points: Real chain mail. (On the other hand, the rings in the mail were too large.) The great helm. (But nobody wore it.) Decent heraldic banners. (But the heraldry they displayed were not particularly of the period .)

Bad points: The fight choreography; there were no combination blows, and Every. Single. Blow. was telegraphed. Except for the scenes within it, the castle appears to be unmanned. Women “grooms” outside the castle to hold the horses? Marian’s short haircut. (Think Prince Valiant and his unique hairstyle.) Having to turn their weapons in when entering the castle. Calling Guy of Gisborne “sire”. Using stones pulled from the dungeon wall to break iron manacles and chains.

Zero breasts. Two gallons of blood. 24 dead bodies. Sword fu. Arrow fu. Dagger fu. Tree branch fu. Fire fu. Quarterstaff fu. Kitchen crockery fu. The Sheriff’s men roll. Robin Hood rolls. Gratuitous dirt. Gratuitous tattoos. Gratuitous spitting. Gratuitous maniacal laughter. Gratuitous huge cross (worn from his neck by Friar Tuck).  Academy Award nomination to James Oliver Wheatley as the Sheriff of Nottingham for “I think you underestimate my cruelty,” and for “Would you stake your life on it? Have you seen the corpse yet?” (This last is always a good question to have the answer to. I first heard it in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, where it was phrased as: “Did you see the body?”, and it has stuck with me ever since. He – usually our erstwhile hero – probably isn’t really dead if you didn’t actually see the body. And sometimes even if you did. As in this movie, Robin Hood: The Rebellion, for example. An 87 on the Vomit Meter. 1½ Stars. Da’ud Bob says, “The opening credits note that this is ‘A Picture Perfect Production’. Sorry, but there was very little “perfect” about this picture’s production. Check it out!”


Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!

Disney is only making it available (for $29.99!) if you have a Disney+ subscription (at an additional $6.99 per month). So, not showing in theaters, then.
To save her father from death in the army, a young maiden secretly goes in his place and becomes one of China's greatest heroines in the process. A live-action feature film based on Disney's animated Mulan, starring Yifei Liu, Donnie Yen, Jet Li, Li Gong, Jason Scott Lee.

The Legend of Tomiris

Released on DVD and Blu-Ray September 29, 2020
This is the story of the life of the great queen of of the steppe - legendary Tomiris. (Tomyris, as it is usually spelled in English, is one of the Nine Female Worthies.) She is destined to become a skillful warrior, survive the loss of close people and unite the Scythian/Saka tribes under her authority. Filmed in Kazakhstan.  Almira Tursyn, Adil Akhmetov, Erkebulan Dairov.

Watch for the Da'ud Bob review next month!
The Last Duel
December 25, 2020 (limited release) and January 8, 2021 (wide release), or October 15, 2021 (Covid has played havoc with release dates!)
Set in 14th century France, King Charles VI declares that Knight Jean de Carrouges settle his dispute with his squire by challenging him to a duel. Directed by Ridley Scott, from a screenplay written by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Starring Matt Damon, Adam Driver, and Jodie Comer.

Dungeons and Dragons
November 19, 2021, or May 27, 2022 (Covid continues to play havoc with release dates!)
Plot undisclosed at this time, but like earlier iterations, it is based on the tabletop role-playing game. Directed Rob Letterman, starring Ansel Elgort.

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