Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
  April 2024


Now here's a little "blast from the past". A review first published way back in October, 1987, complete with the cartoon that helped to inspire it.



So there I was, lazing around on a hot summer day, re-reading some of my old Bloom County books.  I came across several days' worth where Opus is doing what I do – reviewing movies.  He said, "George Phblat's new movie, `Benji Saves the Universe,' has brought the word `bad' to new levels of badness.  Bad acting.  Bad effects.  Bad everything.  This bad film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene.  Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness.  ...  Well, maybe not that bad, but lord, it wasn't good."  I said to myself, "I know that movie".  So this month, Da'ud Bob does The Warrior and the Sorceress.


Where do I begin?  Maybe like Christi Brinkley covering a slasher story for the 6 o'clock news – "Hi!  Oh, gross."  This 1984 mess stars David Carradine as "Dark One" (you don't find out until the credits that his name is Kain [Holy Kung Fu, Batman!]), Luke Askew as Zeg, Maria Socas as Naja (who wears almost "nada"), and Anthony Delongis as Kief.  Plot.  Hmm, I know it had a sort of a plot.  An amorphous plot with vague religious overtones.  How best to describe it?  A time-span in the life of your average fantasy mercenary.  Stranger comes to town, breaks power structure (which causes a huge slaughter), then leaves.

Forget the costuming.  Kain doesn't wear pants.  Kief doesn't wear shirts.  The women don't wear much of anything (Naja wears a G-string and sometimes long loops of fabric around the shoulders.  Most everybody else (including the iguana) is covered from the neck to the ankles, and most of the slaves and villagers have hoods which cover the face.  They sure dress funny on planets with two suns.

Good points: The fight choreography for the climactic fight between Kain and Kief was very nice and smooth.  I don't know if the dancer (probably the most exotic dancer you'd e-e-e-e-ever want to see) is a good point or not.  It was, well, interesting.

Bad points: Fantasy armor, with little "horns" on the helmets.  Using a sword as a shovel.  Lousy puppetry on the "iguana".  The magic sword, which cut through an anvil, later wouldn't cut through ordinary swords in combat.

32 Breasts (four on the dancer – I told you she was exotic).  Four gallons blood.  110 dead bodies.  Swordsmen roll.  Carts roll.  Gratuitous breasts.  Gratuitous slave-whipping.  Gratuitous iguana adviser.  Gratuitous Pompadour topknot.  Gratuitous papier-mache anvil.  Gratuitous land octopus with teeth.  Sword fu.  Whip fu. Breast fu.  Academy Award nomination to Anthony Delongis for the fight choreography.  Academy Award nomination to Cecilia North as the Exotic Dancer, for making them look real.  A 93 on the Vomit Meter.  1½ stars.  Da'ud Bob says check it out.



Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!


Snow White
March 21, 2025		 Starring Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen, Rachel Zegler as Snow White, Andrew Burnap, and Ansu Kabia, this Disney production is a live-action "reinterpretation" of the 1937 animated film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.


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