Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
May 2018

There are times when I just don't know what to think about a movie before I sit down and actually watch it. I mean, I'll look at the synopsis on the DVD cover, or in the TV section, or even on IMDb, and they just don't give me quite enough information to let me know what kind of a movie it is going to be. Of course, that fact in itself may be an indicator, absence of evidence sometimes being evidence of absence, after all. In this month's case, I had read two synopses of this movie, neither of which matched up all that well with what I ended up seeing on the screen. First, we have: "A warrior has already made his mark in battle. Now he's called to carry out an even greater mission." And then there was: "In a battle a dying prince asks a warrior to relay news of his death to his father the king. Now the warrior must make his way to fulfill his promise." So you tell me, do those two different descriptions sound like they are talking about the same movie? So, clearly I was going to have to watch this puppy to try to figure out for myself what it was about, and then try to tell you the gist of it. You can see how well I have accomplished that "greater mission" for yourself as this month, Da'ud Bob reviews for you 2014's Morning Star.

Not even IMDb gives the names of the roles being played, only the names of the actors. I'm pretty sure each of the characters had a name (not that I think in retrospect that it really matters), but I neglected to write them down during the closing credits because I believed (mistakenly, as it turned out) that they would be listed on IMDb. So, Morning Star stars Adrian Bouchet in the lead role, with Mike Mitchell, Daniel Vivian, Ivy Corbin, Ally McClelland, and David White. I'm not sure that I can spread much more light on the plot for you than the two synopses already quoted above. (Indeed, one commenter on-line stated emphatically that "this movie does not have a plot! I mean it literally doesn't exist!" So there you go.) It does involve a warrior taking his buddy's body back home following that buddy's death in battle, and there's some stuff with a witch (who may also be the old woman), a set-to with an old man and his soldiers, and a really strange meeting with an aged king.

Good points: It's only ninety minutes long. Real chain mail. The helmets. The fight choreography. There's not a lot of dialogue to get in the way of the plot. (But there's not a lot of plot to get in the way of the movie.)

Bad points: I kept hoping the weird dream sequences would make sense in the end. They didn't. Where did the old soldier's shield come from? It just showed up, and I don't think he could have had it under his cloak without it being noticeable. Why does our erstwhile hero sometimes have a sword in the scabbard slung over his back, and other times not? Sticking a sword point first into the dirt. (It always annoys me when this happens. A real warrior would take better care of his tools than that.) Too much weirdness. And the wrapped corpse that he's dragging around for days and days never bloats or smells, apparently.

Two breasts. 1½ gallons of blood. 41 dead bodies. Sword fu. Axe fu. Morning star mace (hence the title of the movie) fu. Garrote fu. Quarterstaff fu. Warriors roll. Waves roll. Water falls. Gratuitous dicing. Gratuitous flashbacks. Gratuitous dream sequences. Gratuitous philosophical discussions with a ghost. Gratuitous clouds. Gratuitous ghosts. Gratuitous skull on a staff. Gratuitous praying mantises. Gratuitous witch burning. Gratuitous sex scene. Gratuitous bug eating. Academy Award nomination to Adrian Bouchet as our hero for his response to the old man's question about the war, "And who won, may I ask?" "Nobody, I believe." An 83 on the Vomit Meter. One star. Da'ud Bob says, "In the end, I believe that it's supposed to be an allegory, but I have no idea of what. Check it out!"

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